In the beginning of our marriage Daryl and I use to play backgammon and chess together, always at my request. He had a beautiful hand carved chess game from Bolivia which I thought we should put it to good use. I saw playing games as a "fun" way to connect. Daryl didn't play games for fun, he had one goal in mind, to win! I learned long ago not to sit by him in the family Uno game at the cabin, or maybe he knew not to sit by me. I don't know why I thought I could beat him at anything! He was so smart, naturally talented and... very competitive! He studied the board and like the advice for the instructor in the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher, Ben Kingsley's character tells the young boy "Look deep Josh, it's there, it's 12 moves away, but it's there." Daryl too could see the moves, so playing for fun made no sense to him. He would say to me, "are you sure you want to make that your move?" Many times I thought that was part o
Yesterday after the sealing we were able to congratulate Lex and Kohl. In addition, there were many people that came to console me. At the reception, I had many people tell me that I had been the focus of their prayers. Both of these actions have helped me tremendously but I also believe that Daryl is helping me too. Life goes on but not really, it isn't the same. My life with Daryl was similar to what it feels like to climb to the top of a mountain, hard work but so worth it! When you reach the top you look down and see how far you have come and that is a great sense of accomplishment. Then you look around and see the beauty that surrounds you, the sense of accomplishment of what you just achieved, you soak in the panoramic beauty and there is your reward! We were on top of a mountain, soaking in the beauty! After 34 years of marriage I felt good about what we had accomplished, challenges we overcame. The beauty that surrounded us was unconditional love for each other, our family and others. Those relationships will last forever. It has made me think about why we are here on earth. To learn to love without conditions.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for this Aunt Karla. I miss him terribly too, and appreciate your willingness to share this blog about your lives with us. We love and miss you!!! ~Melissa
ReplyDeleteWe love and support you Karla. I cannot even imagine the grief you are experiencing. I'm impressed by your faith, vulnerability, and strength. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Liv! I feel your love and support! Sorry I wasn't able to talk with you at Alexa & Kohl's reception- it was so nice to have you there!
DeleteThis is beautiful, Karla! I loved how you said that life goes on, but it doesn't really because everything has changed. I think that comes back to the saying from Eckhart Tollee: "The only thing consistent in life is change." We have times where it doesn't seem like things in our lives change very much, and then we have big, huge changes that happen in our lives. I guess those are the changes that stand out. They can be awesome, great changes, or they can be difficult, hard changes. I pray for you, think of you and love you! I'm here if you ever want to talk!
ReplyDeleteKarla, I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know it has to be the most difficult thing you've ever dealt with, even knowing what we know about the eternities. I think writing this blog about your memories and life with Daryl will help you tremendously. Just to recall all the wonderful times you had together and writing them down so you can refer back will lift your spirts. I am so thankful you have your 4 wonderful daughters to help you and buoy you up when times seem so dismal. We love you and want you to know you are in our prayers. I know we are not close but I have always been impressed with your sweet loving, quiet personality and demeanor. You are an elect lady! The Lord is mindful of you as is your family. We all love you and pray for you daily. HUGS!
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