"He was the coolest guy"

I noticed very quickly after Daryl passed away (transitioned from this life to the next) what gave me so much comfort was to hear others share memories about him. Right after his memorial service someone came up to me and said,  "I really admired him, I felt a little intimidated by him because I thought he was the coolest guy and couldn't approach him but recently he reached out to me knowing that I was going through some challenging times and asked me some really good questions and wanted to get together to know more. He was the only one in the family that showed genuine interest in what I was going through."

I think that sometimes we have a tendency to paint our loved ones who have passed on from this life in the best light possible as if they never did anything wrong. I know that Daryl wouldn't want me to do that. In fact,  I remember he once gave me permission to share whatever I wanted about our relationship if it would help someone else understand how we overcame obstacles, challenges and trials due to stupid mistakes he had made. That alone makes him a pretty cool guy because we all know that stupid mistakes are made by both people in a relationship. However, I really appreciated his acknowledgement.

                                                                                       

This comment that was made about Daryl has really stuck with me. I imagine using the word cool to describe someone is somewhat subjective but I also couldn't help being reminded of what a friend of ours once said "you can't fake cool, either you are or you aren't." I started thinking about different things that I saw Daryl do that made him cool in my eyes. 

The summer of 1977 my brother Mark and Daryl ended up in the same troop at a national boy scout jamboree in Pennsylvania for 3 weeks.  I had a big crush on Daryl and my brother Mark knew it so as all brothers do he told him and Daryl had Mark take this picture posing as a cool boy scout- haha. He sent me this picture along with a funny letter. 

                                                                        

• As a teenager he felt comfortable being around adults. He was so excited to take me to visit his grandparents and another elderly couple that lived in his neighborhood. He enjoyed being around them and valued their wisdom.

• He read the book the Princess Bride in school and his teacher knew how much he liked it that she gave him her copy at the end of the year. That made such an impression on him that our first year of marriage we read the book together. 

• Self improvement was a big deal to him, he is the one who introduced Stephen Covey books to me and the 7 Habits were something we worked on together constantly. 

• Once while hiking with our girls at Snowbird during the summer we found a wallet obviously owned by a young boy because of his elementary school ID card in it along with his home address. The girls thought it would be nice to mail it back to him so Daryl said he would take care of that. Later we received a thank you card from the boy's mom who said what a surprise it was  for her son to open a package to see his wallet that he thought was gone forever.  It was a nice reminder of their time skiing at snowbird earlier that year and he was also very happy to see  money in his wallet that he knew was a gift. 

• He had an interesting parenting style. On one occasion, I can't remember the circumstance I just remember the outcome, one of our daughters called him the biggest jerk in the world! I won't name names but you have a one in four chance of guessing. After she said that, he got quiet and then said to her, "that's okay, you can call me that if you want to." Later when we were alone, I asked him why he allowed her to talk to him like that. In Daryl's socratic method style of communicating he asked me why I didn't stand up for him. I replied that I was on her said and he said, Well, I guess you have your answer then. He knew when he was in the wrong and would admit it. 

• He would have much rather sat with you in silence than to have had a conversation about the weather, your job or your church calling.

• He always rooted for the underdog because he related best to the underdog. He came home one Saturday afternoon after he had gone to his office to get a few things done. His office was tucked back in an industrial part of town that was pretty private. As he drove onsite he noticed a man completely naked, lathered in soap washing off with a hose attached to the side of the building. He quickly went into his office feeling slightly uncomfortable. It was in the fall so the morning temperature was pretty brisk. Considering the circumstance the man was in really affected Daryl so he waited a couple of minutes and then went out and invited him for some leftover pizza, soda and a chance to warm up. Daryl also wanted to know his story. The man took him up on his offer but refused the soda because he only drank water from the Artisan well in Salt Lake. He had a water jug he just hadn't made it there yet. The man was from an eastern European country. He had spent all of his money getting to the US  trying to get a patent for a device he had invented. Daryl told me he gave him the money with the agreement he would pay him back. I didn't think that would happen. They stayed in touch and the man ended up going back to his country and he paid him back. 

• He taught me that we will always be a parent to our children but we will parent for a shorter duration of time compared to the amount of time we will be their peers. It makes me sad that this didn't happen for him or our daughters but he left an incredible legacy of advice they will be able to recall throughout their lives. 

   I know that look, proud Papa! MacKenzie, Alexa, Natasha, Erika. June 25th 2016 

                                          

On August 15th we celebrated Daryl's birthday. We hiked Peruvian Gulch at Snowbird to represent that life is hard but we can do hard things, at the top we went over to Regulator Johnson, one of his favorite ski runs for a little silent reflection to honor his life and the time we had with him. We relaxed by the pool and ate Peruvian food and sticky rice (a few of his favorite things) while we shared memories of him. He would have been 58. "I love you today" One of the cool things he use to say.