Seek First to Understand....
As long as I can remember Daryl was always striving for self improvement. One summer, I think around 1990 when we were on a family road trip he shared what he was learning from a new book he was reading. The book was 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. We were both so intrigued by habit 5 that it became a focus within our relationship and our family.
I wouldn't say that we mastered this habit or any of the others but they were important to us as useful tools and reminders during "discussions" which kept us grounded. At this time Daryl was running a wholesale distribution company. A company that his father invested in and wanted Daryl and I to run. We started that in 1985 and later bought it from his parents. A company that he really loved. A company that he wanted his employees to feel like they were family. He liked the idea of being a "coach" and not a boss to them. I remember in 1997 he and I went to the movie First Knight, there was a line from the movie that impressed us both so much. King Arthur is praising Lancelot which he doesn't feel deserving of and he says to King Arthur "if you knew me better, you wouldn't say such things" to which Arthur replies, "I take the good with the bad, together. I can't love people in slices." What a powerful quote! I believe unconditional love is what we are here on this earth to learn! I have no doubt about that!! There was another scene from that movie that gave Daryl inspiration for Normax - our company. When Lancelot is offered a place at the round table of Knighthood-
The round table was meant to shift power from just the king who normally sat at the head of the table and spoke so everyone listened. With a round table it was symbolic of the fact that all the people seated at the table had equal weight and equal say in matters. It was almost democratic. It wasn't a true democracy; the king was still the king and only knights were at the table. But it was a move toward the belief that everyone is important and everyone equally valuable.
That inspired Daryl to have a round table made for the conference room at Normax.
Years later, in 2000 he merged with another company, no longer having controlling interest but was asked to stay on as general manager. One year after that they fired everyone. One partner flew Daryl out to CA. to break the news to him as the other partner came to Salt Lake to let everyone else know. I remember how devastating this was for him. The Normax family, many people that were part of his round table for 15 years, he believed he had failed them. The next day as he drove up at the same time with the other partner getting out of their cars being greeted with good morning then being asked that all to familiar common question I believe people use when they don't know of anything else to say. How are you? Daryl responded with "I guess the politically correct thing to say would be fine, but what do you think?" There was no response back. The years that followed the loss of Normax were tougher than I could comprehend for him. I saw it as a job that could easily be replaced because after all in the end he still had us. One night he shared with me the injustice of it and how unfair it was the way everything happened and I remember telling him that life isn't fair and some things are not understood in this life but will make sense in the next. Words that I believe but now I am faced examining.
Just a little over one year ago we were having a great conversation about how excited we both were for the upcoming wedding of Alexa and Kohlmann. He said to me "I know you won't take this the wrong way, I have experienced more joy when our girls have gotten married than when we got married." I knew what he meant. "The addition to the family and the togetherness makes the day such a deep experience for me." Then I looked at him and said, I can't believe we made it!! We are almost empty nester's and excited about it!! Thank you! He knew what I meant by the words thank you. Thank you for hanging in there when others would have walked away. We had been through a lot of challenges and trials. He just looked at me and said "thank you, you did all the work." That is just not true! That was like Daryl though- giving others the credit. Going back to reference of the round table. As much as so many of us loved to tease him about loving to be in the spot light, he really didn't. What he loved was seeing others in the spotlight. I think he was one of the most misunderstood people I have known.
Daryl had a good heart. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of others. He knew when he was in the wrong, He was thoughtful. He rooted for the underdog because many times he was the underdog. He worked hard to overcome childhood issues of abandonment. Issues that I knew caused him a lot of emotional pain. Issues that a therapist once said were at a deep cellular level which helped me understand him better and love him better. We came a long way together and I am better because of him. "Seek first to understand then to be understood."
I wouldn't say that we mastered this habit or any of the others but they were important to us as useful tools and reminders during "discussions" which kept us grounded. At this time Daryl was running a wholesale distribution company. A company that his father invested in and wanted Daryl and I to run. We started that in 1985 and later bought it from his parents. A company that he really loved. A company that he wanted his employees to feel like they were family. He liked the idea of being a "coach" and not a boss to them. I remember in 1997 he and I went to the movie First Knight, there was a line from the movie that impressed us both so much. King Arthur is praising Lancelot which he doesn't feel deserving of and he says to King Arthur "if you knew me better, you wouldn't say such things" to which Arthur replies, "I take the good with the bad, together. I can't love people in slices." What a powerful quote! I believe unconditional love is what we are here on this earth to learn! I have no doubt about that!! There was another scene from that movie that gave Daryl inspiration for Normax - our company. When Lancelot is offered a place at the round table of Knighthood-
The round table was meant to shift power from just the king who normally sat at the head of the table and spoke so everyone listened. With a round table it was symbolic of the fact that all the people seated at the table had equal weight and equal say in matters. It was almost democratic. It wasn't a true democracy; the king was still the king and only knights were at the table. But it was a move toward the belief that everyone is important and everyone equally valuable.
That inspired Daryl to have a round table made for the conference room at Normax.
Years later, in 2000 he merged with another company, no longer having controlling interest but was asked to stay on as general manager. One year after that they fired everyone. One partner flew Daryl out to CA. to break the news to him as the other partner came to Salt Lake to let everyone else know. I remember how devastating this was for him. The Normax family, many people that were part of his round table for 15 years, he believed he had failed them. The next day as he drove up at the same time with the other partner getting out of their cars being greeted with good morning then being asked that all to familiar common question I believe people use when they don't know of anything else to say. How are you? Daryl responded with "I guess the politically correct thing to say would be fine, but what do you think?" There was no response back. The years that followed the loss of Normax were tougher than I could comprehend for him. I saw it as a job that could easily be replaced because after all in the end he still had us. One night he shared with me the injustice of it and how unfair it was the way everything happened and I remember telling him that life isn't fair and some things are not understood in this life but will make sense in the next. Words that I believe but now I am faced examining.
Just a little over one year ago we were having a great conversation about how excited we both were for the upcoming wedding of Alexa and Kohlmann. He said to me "I know you won't take this the wrong way, I have experienced more joy when our girls have gotten married than when we got married." I knew what he meant. "The addition to the family and the togetherness makes the day such a deep experience for me." Then I looked at him and said, I can't believe we made it!! We are almost empty nester's and excited about it!! Thank you! He knew what I meant by the words thank you. Thank you for hanging in there when others would have walked away. We had been through a lot of challenges and trials. He just looked at me and said "thank you, you did all the work." That is just not true! That was like Daryl though- giving others the credit. Going back to reference of the round table. As much as so many of us loved to tease him about loving to be in the spot light, he really didn't. What he loved was seeing others in the spotlight. I think he was one of the most misunderstood people I have known.
Daryl had a good heart. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of others. He knew when he was in the wrong, He was thoughtful. He rooted for the underdog because many times he was the underdog. He worked hard to overcome childhood issues of abandonment. Issues that I knew caused him a lot of emotional pain. Issues that a therapist once said were at a deep cellular level which helped me understand him better and love him better. We came a long way together and I am better because of him. "Seek first to understand then to be understood."
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