Daryl

 Hey! So today is a big day for us. You're turning 60! I have a pretty good feeling that you don't celebrate your birthdays anymore but we do! I've been thinking about this one for a while. A few weeks ago while I was teaching my yoga class at the Cliff Spa, I had a yoga station playing from Pandora on. It was all instrumental music, soft, ethereal, you know- very yoga like until out of the blue the next song that played was Guiding Light by Mumford and Sons! Your favorite band! I know Pandora has algorithms. I even looked it up. "The recommender uses about 70 different algorithms: 10 analyze content, 40 process collective intelligence and then another 30 do personalized filtering. But this! This was a little too much! A serendipitous moment! It felt like a message straight from you! A message saying... Hey, I'm here and I'm glad you are here too. I'm proud of you for being brave, for coming here and not staying away. A very pleasant reminder that you are a

Experts say "laughter is good medicine, a good belly laugh triggers the production of endorphins, the brain's feel-good neurotransmitters. It also relaxes your blood vessels and increases blood flow -- the ideal antidote to tension." I love a good laugh but I remember the day Daryl transitioned from this life, there were two thoughts that came into my mind, both very unrealistic but they were there and it was my reality. The first was, I don't think I will ever eat again and the second was I don't think I will ever laugh again. I felt similar in 2013 after my Dad transitioned then three years later in 2016 when my Mom transitioned. One of the symptoms of grief that I'm sure most people can relate to. The first time I did laugh after each loss I was surprised and equally surprised at the next feeling of guilt.  I grew up in a family where there was a lot of laughter. My Dad and Mom were both very funny in different ways. My Dad had somewhat of a sarcastic y

I noticed very quickly after Daryl passed away (transitioned from this life to the next) what gave me so much comfort was to hear others share memories about him. Right after his memorial service someone came up to me and said,  "I really admired him, I felt a little intimidated by him because I thought he was the coolest guy and couldn't approach him but recently he reached out to me knowing that I was going through some challenging times and asked me some really good questions and wanted to get together to know more. He was the only one in the family that showed genuine interest in what I was going through." I think that sometimes we have a tendency to paint our loved ones who have passed on from this life in the best light possible as if they never did anything wrong. I know that Daryl wouldn't want me to do that. In fact,  I remember he once gave me permission to share whatever I wanted about our relationship if it would help someone else understand how we overca

According to WikipediaA the winter solstice occurs when one of the Earth's poles has it's maximum tilt away from the Sun. The winter solstice is the day with the shortest period of daylight and the longest night of the year. Photo Credit-Dan Clayton I have always looked forward to winter solstice because it represents longer days are on there way! Spring is just around the corner, new life with flowers blooming and birds singing. Now, it is very symbolic of the longest night representing our tough stuff we all go through in this life or in the words of Eckhart Tolle this "earth school" we all take part in. I had experienced a few "longest nights" as we all do but nothing quite like the night of May 3rd 2017 which has now moved to the to the top of my longest night list. On December 18th 2019, I attended a group meditation event with my daughter MacKenzie where the instructor talked about the upcoming winter solstice and the word dar

In the beginning of our marriage Daryl and I use to play backgammon and chess together, always at my request. He had a beautiful hand carved chess game from Bolivia which I thought we should put it to good use.  I saw playing games as a "fun" way to connect. Daryl didn't play games for fun, he  had one goal in mind, to win! I learned long ago not to sit by him in the family Uno game at the cabin, or maybe he knew not to sit by me.  I don't know why I thought I could beat him at anything! He was so smart, naturally talented and... very competitive! He studied the board and like the advice for the instructor in the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher, Ben Kingsley's character tells the young boy "Look deep Josh, it's there, it's 12 moves away, but it's there." Daryl too could see the moves, so playing for fun made no sense to him. He would say to me, "are you sure you want to make that your move?" Many times I thought that was part o

Isn't life a miracle? I remember each of my pregnancies and the incredible miracle it was to give birth after nine months of anticipation. What a honor it is to grow a human life that was created out of love two people share. The days, weeks, months and years after that are pretty incredible too. When Daryl and I were engaged we talked about having a family one day. He wanted six kids (that terrified me) I wanted four. As time went on he decided that four was a good number. Not because our four were hard, quite the opposite. There is a lot that goes into raising a family, their needs are both financial  and emotional. Our desire to be the best parents for our children was not a new concept. I believe every couple wants their children to experience life to the fullest. When you hold your newborn baby for the first time you realize this little human life is now completely dependent upon me. There is nothing quite like that little newborn cry. You forget all of those labor pains it to